i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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