i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
