I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
