i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
