The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
