I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
