Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
