I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
