just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
