I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
