So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize