There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I can tuck mytits in my pants
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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