It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
