mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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