he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
