therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
