even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
