I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
