Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
