I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
