I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Drunk is not a location!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
