I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
