Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There r osticjed everywhere
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
