i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I didn't notice because vodka
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
