I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
