I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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