So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
