Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
