God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
