Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
