you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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