I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
did you just send me my own nude
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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