I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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