I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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