Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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