I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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