i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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