I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I am midnight drunk by noon
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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