Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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