i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
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