I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
