Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize