Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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