I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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