and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I love having hate sex.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
