Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
