Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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