Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
