1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize