Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
