med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize