or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
