Nicole vs. Life
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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