Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
