your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
