Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
only you would photoshop your dick
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
