yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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