I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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