Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
