i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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