I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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