We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
