I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize