Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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