my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
