I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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