I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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