It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
