she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
