Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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