He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
