Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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