I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
