dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
