do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
