3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
