I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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