video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
