Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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